20 Jul

5 steps to dealing with limiting beliefs

Put your hand up if you’ve ever doubted your abilities, considered yourself a fraud or an imposter? Have you ever thought you were operating on borrowed time waiting for someone to catch you out, and expose you for the fake you believe you are? These thoughts are what we calling self-limiting beliefs.  Welcome to the club, everybody experiences limiting beliefs at different stages and ages in their lives and careers, it is normal.

The trick here is learning how to keep the nasty little voices in your head at bay and to learn how to manage and control them.

  1. Don’t ignore them

    Trying to ignore these thoughts and push them under the carpet might hold them back for a short period, but they are still under the carpet. Ignoring your limiting beliefs  doesn’t miraculously get rid of the beliefs, it just delays the inevitable, causes a lot of undue stress and creates a tripping hazard in your life. So when you least expect it, you could stumble over the limiting  belief hump which lies buried under the carpet.

  2. Acknowledge and name them

    So often we turn away from these limiting beliefs because we see them as weaknesses and perhaps character flaws. Because we find it painful to deal with them and shamefully believe that these little voices are confirming a truth. The more we turn away from these negative beliefs or ignore them they tend to grow.  They become larger, more hurtful and more controlling. So instead of ignoring them, acknowledge them. Face them head on. Acknowledge their existence and name them. By doing this you are able to start the journey of learning how to manage and control them on your own terms.

  3. Get curious

    Start by taking some time out of your schedule and get really curious about why these limiting beliefs seem to appear in your life. Where do these thoughts originate from? What experience is supporting these beliefs? What triggers these feelings and beliefs? How am I benefiting from holding onto these thoughts? Was there a time were I didn’t have these beliefs and why is there a change?

    Dig deep and question everything. Pull your thoughts apart. Challenge!

  4. Make a plan

    Once you’ve dissected the belief and examined every side of it, warts and all, come up with a plan for how you will deal with it. Depending on what you discover, you may need to work on positive affirmations, learn a new skill, seek professional guidance or work on changing a behaviour, which is not serving you. There are many ways, but it is essential that you find the alternative. This will allow you to take charge. To take control.

  5. Let it go

    Once you’ve started implementing your plan, your habits will start to change for the better. There is no place to store your old limiting beliefs, they just get in the way. Make the decision and learn to let them go.

I am aware that this is easier said than done. It’s damn hard work to wrestle your negative thoughts into submission and sometimes we don’t always get it right. But, ask yourself this. “If you don’t change your limiting beliefs, what will happen?” If you are not satisfied with your answer then go back to point 1 of this article and start taking control of your limiting beliefs.

Need some help with taking charge of your limiting beliefs? Need a coach? Contact Nicole @ nicole@tikumu.co.nz

06 Jul

Job hopping is not always the solution to your problem

These days it seems pretty normal for the average person to shift jobs every 2 to 3 years. Depending on the job and the industry it has become an expectation for this type of migration to happen and if you don’t, well then there is something wrong with you, so they say.

I am all for growth and development. People moving up the ladder to be constantly challenged, however this affinity for constantly moving roles and companies does open itself up for questioning. I’m a coach, I cannot help myself.

It seems as though jobs have become as disposable as our morning coffee take away cup. Use it for a while and then chuck it in once you are done with it as there is always another one on the next corner. This type of practise and thought process is quite concerning. Instead of asking why and digging deep to understand the core reasons for leaving a job, it has become common practise to just find a new one. Everyone is doing it, they say.

I met Mary a number of years ago. She was extremely talented in her job and was highly sort after by some of the top firms in her industry. Mary would start off really well in her position, but eventually would start looking for a new job after 18 months to 2 years. The reason for the continuous movement; Mary didn’t seem to get on very well with the rest of the people within the office.

When I spoke with Mary she would complain about her co-workers and moan about their behaviour towards her. The problem was, this was not a unique situation. There was a pattern in almost every business she worked in. The reason for Mary leaving every time, in Mary’s opinion was due to everyone else’s bad behaviour.

Notice anything?

Yes, it wasn’t everyone else’s behaviour, it was Mary.

If you have come to the decision to leave your current job and apply for another position at a different businesses, the question deserves to be answered truthfully. Why are you resigning?

Is it purely for growth and development, for a more senior role that your existing company can’t offer you? Have you had enough and want a change of pace and scenery or, was it due to the people, culture and environment?

I believe it is very important to understand your reasons for leaving, as it may not necessarily be the company that needs shifting, it may be you.

By Mary relocating every 2 years she wasn’t dealing with the real reasons. She wasn’t taking ownership for her inappropriate behaviour and in actual fact she was doing herself an injustice by not sorting out her conduct issues. Just imagine the extra value she could be offering if she just altered some of her negative habits?

The next time you decide to shift jobs, think about why? The truth is is that if the reasons for leaving are self-inflicted those reasons will never miraculously disappear the minute you walk out the door. These reasons will always come along with you and rear their nasty little heads in your new position until you actually start dealing with them.

Don’t be a Mary.

Need some coaching support? Contact Nicole @ nicole@tikumu.co.nz

22 Jun

How strong is your support network?

I met a young lady the other day, let’s call her Sue. She had made the bold decision to make a major change in her life. Sue had decided to start her own business. An exciting adventure with so many possibilities and opportunities and a very tough path to choose.

For those of you who have already made that leap into the thrilling world of self-employment, who have shifted from their everyday comfort zone to the scary unknown, you know it takes huge amounts of courage and tenacity to make it work. However, besides courage, grit, funding (yes some start up capital does help) and a good idea which you need to turn into a profitable business, you also need a little something  called support.

Sue had all the courage in the world, she was determined to make her business work. She believed in her abilities and also believed it was her time to shine. Unfortunately, her Achilles heel was the lack of support.

This is a vital component when it comes to building your own business or in fact if you are choosing to make any major change in your life. You need the support and encouragement of your nearest and dearest.

Sue’s family believed she was best suited to be in the home, looking after the children and cooking the dinner for her hard-working husband. Now as a coach, you should always stay objective, it’s part of the job description, but I can honestly admit that I found it very hard to keep objective in this situation. I had to check and make sure I hadn’t time travelled back to the 1950’s.

Without the support and motivation from the people around her, Sue was left on her own to try and juggle the daunting task of starting a business and at the same time running a household single-handedly.

I always like hearing about stories that have happy endings. Unfortunately I don’t know how this one will end. I can however draw a few lessons from Sue’s situation and share them with you.

Lesson #1 – If you decide to take the leap and start your own business like Sue did or you decide to make a life-altering change, ask yourself who will be your support network? Who will be your cheerleader, your shoulder to cry on, your confidante? Gather the support team around you from the beginning, they truly make your change journey so much easier.

Lesson # 2 – Think about the people around you. How many of them are going through some form of change? Is there a Sue in your life? Do you think you are providing them with enough support and encouragement? What could you do differently to make their lives easier?

And finally, when a person wants to make a change in their life it is their decision. It is not your place to talk them out of it and tell them what you think they must do, especially if they haven’t asked you for advise. Your job is simple, it is to support their decision and to perhaps make them a dinner once in a while.

Looking to add a coach to your support network? Contact Nicole at nicole@tikumu.co.nz

08 Jun

Decisions, decisions, decisions

We live in a constantly changing world. Everyday without fail we are faced with having to make decisions. Apparently, as adults we make up to 35,000 decisions everyday, which range from what to eat for breakfast, to more life altering decisions such as what you want to be for the rest of your life. According to researchers at Cornell University (Wansink and Sobal, 2007) 226 of those choices are focused on food alone. No pressure.

With the need to make thousands of decisions being a constant in our lives  one would think it would be an easy process. We get 35,000 chances to practise everyday, we should be naturals! Gather the necessary facts in order to make an informed decision, weigh up the pros and cons of the various options and make the decision. Easy? Not quite.

So to complicate our lives and to add a dose of self-sabotage into the mix we can get into the habit of not making a decision.  This could be leaving “things” up in the air or  sticking your head in the sand and praying that “things” will just blow over. News flash, “things” don’t blow over.

The funny thing is, whether we like it or not, change will always happen. Whether we make a decision or choose to not make a decision, there will always be an outcome. There will always be consequences. Don’t be fooled into thinking that by not deciding everything will remain the same. By not making a decision, all that has happened is that you have given your power away and the change is controlling you, as opposed to you controlling the decision, choice and consequences of your action or inaction.

Yes, certain decisions can be extremely difficult and avoidance seems so much easier. However ask yourself these two question the next time you are thinking about ignoring to make a decision.

  1. “What would happen in your life or business if you didn’t take control and make a decision?”
  2. “Can you live with the consequences of not making that crucial decision?”

Know this, if you don’t take control and make decisions, some one else will and you may not be their first priority or concern. Take charge, take ownership, be proactive and make the decisions.

Need clarity and a professional coaches assistance? Contact Nicole @ nicole@tikumu.co.nz

 

 

 

 

17 Nov

What culture do you want during times of change?

Imagine your business had been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to launch a new product/service, which if successfully carried out, would result in huge growth for your brand and cause a major increase in revenue.

But in order to capitalise on this opportunity, your business would need to undergo a number of changes, and by that I mean your team would need to undergo some changes. They would be expected to take on additional work, they might need to re-locate to other parts of the country and there would be a possibility of merging with another business in order to successfully achieve this rollout.

How is the visualisation exercise working out for you? Are you feeling positive or apprehensive? What’s the first thing that pops into your mind? There may be many concerns, ideas, issues, but I’m guessing that one of your first thoughts is how would your team members take the news?

This is a problem that many business owners have to deal with on a regular basis – successfully implementing change into their businesses. Sometimes its large scale change, and sometimes its small scale. How are some businesses able to implement change well, yet others can’t and face huge problems?

One of the biggest influences in your business are your people. Depending on how they react to and manage the change, will determine how successful your change implementation process will be. To successfully implement change you want a high performance culture in your business.

You want:

  1. Flexible and highly adaptive individuals
  2. A team who are optimistic and see change from the very beginning as an opportunity for growth and success
  3. Confident team players who believe in the product and service and buy into the business purpose
  4. Motivated, energised and engaged individuals
  5. Team members who understand and get the “bigger picture”

Do you have a high performance culture in your business? Do you have a high performance team?

It’s no good trying to implement changes in your business if you don’t have the culture right. And its no use trying to improve the culture at the same time as you implement the change. This type of implementation is not a sprint, its an marathon. The investment into your business culture should actually start from the day of your business inception or as close to it as possible. Remember that people’s behaviour, belief systems and habits don’t just change overnight, it takes time. In some instances, it would be time that you wouldn’t have the luxury of having, especially in the middle of a change initiative.

So while you are busy planning great growth and innovation within your business, think about your team members and whether or not they can happily facilitate and drive these changes for you. Perhaps you need to work on your people and building a high performance team before implementing a change initiative.

Need some assistance? Contact Nicole at nicole@tikumu.co.nz

22 Jul

When does change happen?

“So when does the change happen?” – A question I get asked a lot. And its often asked in the same manner as someone would ask “When will we be eating dinner?” It seems many people assume that with coaching there is an immediate change, in the same way there is an instant change from being hungry to being full after meal time.

The results of coaching are not instant and it does take a fair bit of time before the desired results can be seen.

When you start off with the coaching process, first you are invited to explore  alternative options and views, which you probably wouldn’t have looked at or even considered before. Deep down inside however, there may still be a desire to stick with the status quo. You may logically know that the change is best, but you are still hesitant to committing to the new way. Rightly so, new is unknown, untrialled and potentially risky. Old habits do definitely die hard and it takes courage to move outside of your comfort zone and make the choice to alter your current situation for the better.

So when does the change happen? Change starts to happen when you stop just saying you are going to change, and you actually do it. When you stop observing the alternatives from a safe distance. When you choose to include those alternative views and habits into your life. When the “new way of doing things” becomes the norm. When you stop looking at the change with fear.

So how do you get to this stage of being comfortable with your change decision and actually doing it?

This is a tricky question and is different for every person. Some arrive at change faster than  others. The following questions may assist or prompt you to act.

  1. What is your biggest motivator for this change? Is your motivator intrinsic or extrinsic?
  2. If you didn’t make the change and everything remained as is, how would it affect your life?
  3. How often do you put off thinking about the possibility of change?
  4. Have you set yourself a deadline?
  5. Who is supporting you with your decision?
  6. What resources do you have to assist you in facilitating this change?

And lastly, what does your gut tell you?

Need some assistance? Contact me. nicole@tikumu.co.nz for professional business coaching.

13 May

What I learned from attending a TEDx Event

I am a TED freak. You could go as far as calling me a TED groupie. I love the concept of sharing great ideas and being exposed to amazing people, great thinkers and industry pioneers. Recently I was lucky enough to attend the TEDx FlipSide conference in Auckland.

For two days I was immersed in new ideas, new concepts, interesting discussions and plenty of hearty debate. There were many lessons I would take away from this experience, but as a business coach there were two that stood out for me.

Jayne Bailey, the founder of Project Moroto spoke about the inconvenience of saying yes. That in order to change or move forward in our lives we need to say yes to the difficult things. We need to move out of our comfort zones and accept the fact that we need to give of ourselves in order to grow, develop and change. A concept she battled with prior to jumping in feet first, when developing her life saving and life changing charity.

For me this is the essence of what coaching is all about, and her talk was a perfect example of what happens when you do take the plunge out of your comfort zone and decide to disrupt your life by saying yes. To this day, she has not looked back or regretted her decision.

During the event breaks I heard a number of people say that they felt quite guilty that their lives seem so insignificant compared to some of the TEDx speakers. They started to question their purpose in life and how much value they were realistically adding to their personal and professional lives. These kinds of events can naturally make you question yourself, your path and your goals, but here’s the thing. Its not about having to go out into the world and start an orphanage, design a state of the art wheelchair like Samuel Gibson, join a presidential protection unit like Rory Steyn or even strip down to your birthday suit like Lizzie Marvelly in her campaign #MyBodyMyTerms.  If you believe this is your calling then be my guest and do it. Life is all about choices. But the lesson learnt for me from listening to these dynamic speakers is that its not about having to make big changes in our lives in order to be significant and add value. It’s really about noticing that the little changes we make actually make the biggest differences.

Right here and now we can start making subtle changes in our lives that will have a major impact on the people in our personal and professional lives.

Not judging, listening to others, being kind to our environment, accepting each other as unique, admitting that we are not perfect and being okay to talk about our challenges, testing the norm and being empathetic. These concepts don’t require us to shift countries or to spend thousands of dollars. These actions are free and can be implemented today. Just imagine the difference you can make.

31 Mar

Even coaches need coaches

I like to consider myself a runner. Not a very good runner, I am a realist, but a person who enjoys the freedom of being able to go for a run. I started off with a simple objective, I wanted to get fit and comfortably run a few trail runs. After two years of running I found myself no longer progressing, so I decided to get a running coach. I now attend a running clinic once a week.

Why am I telling you this? Well, as a professional coach myself, this role reversal from coach to client was a huge confirmation and reiteration for me, that good coaches are actually damn awesome and can add so much value to your life (personal or business). Everyone needs a coach!

Over the past couple of weeks Dillon, my running coach, has re-inforced a few coaching lessons I would like to share with you. Even though he and I work in different coaching worlds, the following principles would fit into any coaching practise.

1. Show up and be focused

Well done, you joined a coaching group or you signed up for one-on-one coaching. That’s just the first step and unfortunately change or improvement doesn’t just happen via osmosis. You need to show up to the sessions with focus and determination to change your unwanted behaviours. What you put in, is what you get out.

2. The coach cannot do it for you

The only person who can make the necessary changes is you. The coach can help you clarify goals, opportunities, ideas and perspectives which you may not have had before, but the only person who can actually implement the change is you. You’ve heard the saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.” 

3. Practice, practice, practice

The biggest change takes place between the coaching sessions, not during. Outside of the sessions you get an opportunity to mull over or process what you have learnt. To slowly start implementing certain changes and becoming comfortable with new concepts and ideas which you have discussed in your coaching session. If you are not putting thought into your change or actioning change between sessions, you will become frustrated and disillusioned.

4. If you think it’s going to change over night, you are mistaken

I’ve spoken about the dangers of instant gratification before, and I don’t believe I can over-emphasis the damage it can do. Change doesn’t happen over night. It takes time, patience, practice and determination in order to move forward, permanently. Get comfortable with that realisation.

5. Training your brain

This goes hand in hand with practice. By focusing on the new behaviours and mindfully putting them into practice you start training your brain to think and act differently. In the beginning you need to concentrate and put in a lot of energy to change your actions, but after consistently putting in the efforts, your actions will become automatic and new habits will emerge naturally.

6. Be ready for change

As a coach, this principle is probably the most important. By being ready, it means you have acknowledged that something needs to shift. You are not perfect and something needs to be improved and that’s okay. Once you let go of that “I don’t need to change, I am perfect just the way I am” or “ It’s not me, it’s them” mantra it becomes easier to open yourself up to different thoughts, suggestions, ideas and feedback.

So if you want to lift your game and become a more focused and motivated individual in either your business or personal life, try working with a coach, they could change your life!

23 Mar

4 Easy steps on how to manage consequences

Newton’s third law says, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. In simple terms if you push on anything, it pushes straight back. The bigger your push, the bigger the push back.

Taking that learning into the workplace can be very beneficial for any business owner or manager. Whatever you do within your business, there will always be a push back. Whatever decisions you make or strategies you implement regarding your people and teams, there WILL always be a push back. It becomes your choice as to whether that push-back is positive or negative. Unfortunately tough decisions have to be made from time to time, to enable business growth and survival. Tough decisions will inevitably affect your team members, however the negative push-back can be controlled and managed. This is where you step up and decide how this will be carried out.

Think about the last tough decision you had to make, which ended up negatively affecting your team. What was the initial outcome and did you notice any effects weeks and months after the decision-dust settled? Were you aware that you would receive negative push-back or did it come as a complete surprise?

In both scenarios you are walking into a storm with no safety net. Being aware of the negative consequences, or being taken by surprise, you still land up on the back foot. So how can you prevent yourself from landing up with your picture on the staff break-room’s dartboard?

Take the time to consider your actions. Take the time to consider the consequences. Then ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What would the consequences (negative and positive) be if I implemented this particular change or action? Write these down on the attached worksheet. (Action and Consequences model)

2. What would the consequences (negative and positive) be if I didn’t implement this particular change or action? Write these down.

It is always good common practise to consider the “What if we didn’t implement” scenarioIt provides you with a different perspective, an objective view of things.

3. Go back to questions 1 and 2. If you have documented the consequences of taking and not taking action, what would the consequences of each consequence be? Remember, that you are documenting negative and positive consequences, not just the negative.

Write these down.

This exercise can include as many  consequence levels as you like, it just depends on how far you wish to take it.

4. Once you have outlined the consequences for each level, start looking at how the positive consequences can be leveraged and how the negative consequences  can be managed. You may discover that just by managing the initial negative consequences you can nip them in the bud and prevent further damage from being caused.

Gone are the days of making tough decisions, ignoring the backlash and expecting for your people to “suck it up”. If you want to alienate your people and destroy your business and corporate culture, go ahead and continue with this mindset. However, with the right strategy in place and by taking control and being proactive, you can start thinking and working smarter.

Action and Consequences model

22 Dec

How good was your year?

A common practise for many of us at this time of the year is to reflect on the year’s past achievements, wins and challenges, and then to set goals and plan for the year ahead.

An unfortunate trend that is seen during this reflection process is that people start off thinking only about their business wins and losses. They become extremely motivated to get stuck in and busily start planning the business goals and setting action plans so they are the first out of the starting blocks when the new year rolls around. They sadly overlook their well being and personal goals and when questioned about them, it is assumed that these goals would just “fit in” with everything else.

So let’s take one step backwards and start off with some reflection. In your own time, answer the following questions and then think about how your answers have affected your life over the past year.

  • What were your eating habits like this year?
  • What were you sleeping habits like this year?
  • What were your alcohol and caffeine habits like this year?
  • What were your exercise habits like this year?
  • How much time did you spend with your loved ones this year?
  • How much time did you spend on your own this year?

If any of your answers were “Could have been better” then start to think of ways you can improve this area of your life. Why? Well if your “could have been better” answers had been better this past year, how would they have positively influenced your life and contributed positively to your business?

These questions are really basic, but these issues always seem to be the first things to be neglected when we get stuck into “work mode”. And the first things we yearn for when we hit the proverbial wall.

The funny thing about change is that it happens whether we like it or not, but if you do nothing, the changes that take place will probably be for the worst, causing dangerous habits to develop. So in order to control the change and to implement good healthy sustainable habits, you need to alter your thinking, attitude, values and behaviour.

The last area I’d like for you to reflect on, is how well did you manage to switch off your “being connected” button this year?

Lately I have been reading Roald Dahl and specifically the Oompa-Loompa’s rhymes and songs, from Dahl’s book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The one poem that truly resonated with me can be read below. When reading it, think of yourself and your smart phones, laptops, iPads and any other device that keeps you connected to the world. So connected, they seem to suck you in, take over your life and turn you into a connection addict. Think about your daily routine and habits that have been formed from the result of viewing these devices and then think of how they are affecting your personal life  and business, positively and negatively. How could you manage these for the better? The learning from this poem is not just aimed at children, but at us as well.

The most important thing we’ve learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set —
Or better still, just don’t install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we’ve been,
We’ve watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone’s place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they’re hypnotised by it,
Until they’re absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don’t climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink —
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?
IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK — HE ONLY SEES!
‘All right!’ you’ll cry. ‘All right!’ you’ll say,
‘But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!’
We’ll answer this by asking you,
‘What used the darling ones to do?
‘How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?’
Have you forgotten? Don’t you know?
We’ll say it very loud and slow:
THEY … USED … TO … READ! They’d READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching ’round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it’s Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There’s Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They’ll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start — oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They’ll grow so keen
They’ll wonder what they’d ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.

Roald Dahl – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory